Days attributed to parents have always made me feel really quite rubbish, but I always used to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mum. It’s only been the last five or six years that I haven’t, but since you’ve been here this is the first one without her around or at the end of a phone call. What makes it harder is that she’s not around by choice.
She wasn’t taken from us, she hasn’t passed away, she just lives 200 miles away in a different corner of the country to us. One day I’ll tell you the full story of why you don’t know your other Nanny, but for now, it will suffice to say that we have to remember that it’s her loss. She is the one missing out on us, and more importantly on YOU.
That doesn’t mean that Mother’s Day is easy. For me now, it has about the same status in my life as Father’s Day does (which is little to none). Since meeting Daddy and being able to celebrate Father’s Day with him from Kiera, it began to feel better. I no longer felt left out of the occasion entirely, and I enjoy making it a lovely Father’s Day for Daddy. For Mother’s Day though, especially today, it’s just one big disappointment. Nanny Sharon is my mother figure now (as she has been pretty much since the day I met her back in 2014), and she’s an amazing mummy and nanny, but it still doesn’t replace the hole that my own mother left gaping wide open.
I truly hope, Olivia, that you will NEVER understand this feeling. I hope that we will always be close and that every Mother’s Day, even if and when you are a mother yourself, we will be able to share them together in some way. Whether that’s at the end of a phone/video call or in person, I promise I will always be there for you on Mother’s Day.
This is a day to be thankful to our mothers but it’s also a normal day just like any other, and on any other day I am here for you just as I will be on Mother’s Day each and every year.